The Gastro-Inflated Pooch, It is Ginormous

We are in ACT III of Phase 4, if you didn't know. No, I didn't actually break this phase down into dramatic acts, but believe me, I have had some drama since Phase 4 began on May 26.

Gee, May 26 sounds like such a long time ago, like maybe May 26 was when the first monkey (Monknik?) was launched into space or something. I think it sounds so long ago because I've been so busy with life and with exercise and diet plans and Zoe peeing in brand new spots and my daughter moving back in and work gearing up for our biggest week of the year. So please excuse me while I take a breath to catch up.

I have indeed been faithful to the ol' 30 x 5 scheme since last I posted about it. According to Phase 4, I have been switching up my exercise routine and eating regimen almost continually. Right now, I'm back to slogging outside again and working with weights on the off days, and I'm getting a really good mix of fiber, fruits, veggies, water and protein. It sounds so perfect, and yet it has been oh so wrong.

My incredible struggle lately has been of the gastro-intestinal variety, which consists of my system taking on a life of its own and not cooperating with me at all.

It's like my bowels have said, "So. You're doing all of this new stuff. That's funny because I wasn't really planning on doing that at all. I planned on packing my suitcase and heading to Italy for a few weeks, you know, like a bowel sabbatical, if you will. Ciao, Baby."

And so, I feel like I've been carrying about eight baby kangaroos in my mid-section for about three weeks. I'm the Octo-roo Mom.

The gastro-inflated pooch, it is giNORmous, people. I literally feel like I'm housing a weather balloon. Perhaps I'll star in the sequel to Pixar's "UP" or as the middle aged Violet Beauregarde in the next Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

So last night, after three weeks, I gave in and took a laxative. And that was when the real drama which I mentioned in paragraph one began.

And ... "That was all," she wrote. Or gurgled.

So how are you faring on Phase 4?