What Not To ... Say to Amy Grant

So I won this contest in which the biggest prize is a phone call from Amy Grant. This is an event beyond excitement for me. It is also an anxiety-inducing event. Please read and share in my delirium as I await Amy's call.

Oh, the Amy Grant anxiety.

Let me try to explain what this is like. The anxiety is two-fold.

Part of the trauma is that I don't know when the call is coming, so it's kind of like waiting for the UPS man to bring me something of great value, like a Snuggie.

I just keep watching out the window [actually, checking the phone] like a cat on the back of a sofa, mindlessly watching and waiting. The world is not missing a beat around me, but I am not part of that world. Because at some point ... Amy Grant is going to call me.

Every time I come home, I make a beeline to check the messages, tripping over the dog on the way. The poor little thing thinks the routine is a new game: "Yay! It's the Amy Grant phone race again! Woot!" And so she takes off like she's been shot out of a cannon because this is apparently what you do when Amy Grant is going to call you someday in the future. You panic today. And you tangle up your owner's feet.

Surely, Amy Grant's "people" will call to set up a time for the call. Because something tells me Amy Grant wouldn't want to play phone tag with me.

But what if they don't call, and one evening I let my guard down and the phone rings and it's ... Amy Grant.

I just got a knot in my stomach. Because here is part two of the trauma: What to say.

And Jorge is not helpful.

Me: "What in the world do I say to someone whose music has meant more than words can say for so many years?"

Him: You say, "Hey, Ames."

I don't think so.

Or how about when I was at work:

[Ring ]

Me: "Oneighty. This is Linda. May I help you?"

Jorge in a monotone voice: "It's Amy Grant."

Me: "I don't think so."

So you can see that he is thoroughly enjoying watching my anxiety unfold over something that should bring nothing but joy. So maybe you can have compassion on me and tell me what you would say to her. Because ... gulp ... I won a contest, and Amy Grant is going to call me. Unbelievable.