"Man! I Feel Like a Woman!" ~ Shania Twain

Please don't tell me how unsanitary and dangerous they are. I already know. And right now, I don't care because like Shania said, "Man. I feel like a woman." And then I believe she added a little "woo-woot" on the end of that, which articulates my feelings exactly.

What IS it about acrylic nails that women like? The shiny smoothness? Even, white tips? The way they make you gesture wildly like the day your got your engagement ring? The clickety-clack of "tap dancing" on the keyboard?

The answer is YES! to all of these facets, but I know how bad they are for real nails, how unsanitary they can be, and how the only celeb still wearing them is Paul McCartney, but I don't care.

Just like I'll always love to see a great suntan, I'll always love nails.

However, I certainly don't tan anymore. And I don't want to do long-term maintenance of nails due to time and expense. But once in a while, like when your kid graduates and you have a book signing (gulp), I think its OK to get them.

Woo-woot!

I just don't want to end up like Magda from There's Something About Mary, an archetype for whom I have no actual descriptive words. I'll just call them "Magdalites"--middle aged, fake blondes with leathery skin, acrylic talons and little lap dogs.




Uh-oh.