Beware the Ides of March? I Can Think of Better Things Than Ides to Beware Of

HA! My seemingly useless English degree comes in handy every 25 years or so! This must be one of those years! I know what you're thinking: "What are the 'Ides?'"

About 4:1 on Admiral Aggie's Diamond, I'd say.

HA! That was a play on the word "odds!" But I meant "Ides."

Well, according to my 1985 BS in English (yes, it is a Bachelor of Science, Smarty Pants) "Ides" is a term used to denote the 15th of March, May, July and October. Julius Caesar was 86'd on the Ides of March, just like the seer warned him. And then William F. Buckley Shakespeare Jr. wrote a play called Julius Caesar which contained the line, "Beware the Ides of March." And we have been be-waring something we don't understand ever since.

I love the wealth of literary knowledge I gained at my alma matre, Ball State University. (Yes, that is the real name of the university where I received my BS in English.) Yes, a lot of BS from BSU.

But here in America's Hometown, I can think of scarier things to beware of today:

1. HUGE potholes. Our city is notorious for tire-gnashing, car swallowing potholes. Exhibit A: Beware our version of "Mr. Toad's Wild Ride" on my street alone. When you don't anticipate one of these, all of your teeth rattle in your head, and you want to throw up from the damage you know you've just done to your car. This thing is about 6" deep.



2. Slush. All that pretty winter snow whose prettiness lasted 3 hours on the first day is now the grimiest slush you can imagine, which the hems of pants are thirsty for. After my grocery trip to Wowmart Saturday, I had a 3-inch ring of water around the hems. I had to come in the door and get those off before even putting the groceries away. Please don't tell me it's sunny and *75 in your comments today, or I will banish you from this blog. Beware the slush. Or the slap of this blog author if you go bragging about your weather.

3. March Madness. In Indiana, Hoops is Evah-thang. In Florida, you have a pool in every backyard. Here, you have a beaten-up, mostly net-less basketball goal sunk into cement at the end of every driveway. Around this time of year, the word "bracket" pops up in every conversation in every venue, including weddings and funerals and from adjacent bathroom stalls. I don't speak "Bracket." Beware the mad fans of b-ball.

4. Pinching. There is a clever saying: "No green on March 17 means you gonna scream." Actually, I just made that up. But we do pinch the greenless here. How about where you are? Beware the pinchers.

5. Easter candy. It's out there, people. Some villainous Cadbury Eggs tried to reach out and grab me at the grocery, but I fleed. Flew. Fled. Whatever it takes!

What are YOU bewaring of today??