What It Takes to Learn a New Phone

New phone.

Two words, two syllables--so simple.

Or so it would seem.

But I am old.

I'm not stupid, just old.

In fact, I even went to college, but I was busy learning how to roll my stockings, wave a pennant and have my hair bobbed like the Flappers instead of learning that silly technology stuff that I would never need.

So my personal learning curve for anything technologically new is ... indescribably slow. Think about what the polar opposite of warp speed might look like, and there you have an image of me learning a new gadgety thing. Continents move faster.

So my 23 year-old daughter has been helping me every painful step of the way to get set up and prettied up on the new phone.

She has about three hairs left in her head from stress-pulling.

Here's the short list of my problems and complaints with which she has had to deal after I tried first and then burst into paroxysms of pseudo-swearing:

Fumbling hands that hit the side buttons all the time, causing the phone to speak out loud. I hate this. I do not want a talking phone--there is no need for a phone to speak up under any circumstances. "Shut UP, phone."

Font that is too dark/too small.

Having to remember to press the red function key before it will do half of the things on the keyboard.

Having to re-do all of my contacts because they wouldn't transfer from my old phone.

Putting contacts into groups only to discover I'm allowed a mere 10 friends or relatives in any group. Is this some kind of rule, that a person can't have more than 10 people in any group in life? There's no way the Waltons could have used the "family" group on this phone, let alone the Duggers.

Switching from vertical to horizontal keypad.

Sliding the front of the phone back to reveal the keyboard only to hit various buttons that change things I don't want changed.

Figuring out a ring tone for each family member, as if I'm going to be able to remember who is attached to which tone.

Finally, some real fun: getting LOST wallpaper and ring tone installed.

I'm serious--getting me set up on this phone took an entire Saturday that my daughter can never recapture!

But it's all put together now, and my phone--she's a "beaut." It's racy flamenco red, small, lightweight--nothing like that gray brick I inherited from a family member about 7 years ago. I would take that old one out of my purse and people would stare at it and then at me as if I had taken a banana out of my purse and tried to text on it.

But now, when my spicy little phone rings, I hold it up high, loud and proud, like that dancer in the picture up there, not ashamed for anyone to see!

OK, well, I'm at least current now, and I do enjoy hearing the LOST theme.

Next step: Complete Ipod mastery!

So let's be honest here: How do you deal with learning new things?