Thinking about... achievement

As the year turned, I made vision cards to serve as touchstones for my goals for this year. Recently I've been inspired to create similar cards to express my values. When I was working on them, I had the most interesting experience. A certain value kept popping its head into the process, one that is not on my top 10 value list. It kept pulling at my sleeve and tapping on my shoulder. Just like my cat it would just step on whatever I was doing and insist on being seen.

So, yes, I have to acknowledge Value #11: Achievement.

One of my values is Creating/Building and I had thought it encompassed achievement, but it doesn't. What's probably more true is I thought I could hide Achievement in there where no one would notice and judge me, but I could still have it. It's very clear out there that it's not okay to want to achieve. (Suzie wrote about this powerfully in her reaction to A New Earth). It's seen as negative, ego-driven and selfish to want to achieve, and this seems particularly so if you're female.

The first person I mentioned this secret value to is a really supportive, kind person and she said, "Well, society does program us to want to achieve." I love that she said that for so many reasons. One it demonstrated how in my beautiful circle of independent-minded, creative-thinking people, achievement is thought of something that those other people do. You know, those conforming, materialistic, driven achievers. Those people who don't understand it's about process and the now and meaning, not money, recognition, fame and power. And also, she expressed a view that a desire for achievement is somehow inauthentic, something programmed in, something external.

So, here's the thing. I hearby fully claim my value of achievement. This isn't society or corporations or my dad or anyone else talking. This is me. I care if I do well. I care if I make a contribution, and it is recognized - by others and financially. I am committed to being top-notch at what I do. AND, I am deeply committed to process, to the way of seeing that is only possible when you let yourself be here, now. These two things are not mutually exclusive. There is room for both of these energies in your life - the yin and the yang, the God and the Goddess - if you want there to be.

What's your take on achievement?

Thinking about: Being the Change

My sister Suzie recently wrote a post about how she was able to honour her value of justice by dealing pro-actively with a variety of customer service situations. Go Suzie!

In the same context, I was able to take action on my values too. As I wrote last week, my deepest value is Life and by that I mean honouring life, loving life, celebrating life. And to me, honouring each other as beings is a part of that. It's deeply impactful to me because I believe that violence and acts of cruelty are only possible when we disconnect, when we turn off our empathy and don't see each other as living, breathing beings.

What does this have to do with customer service? I've been having intense technical difficulties. I have not been able to receive emails to any account associated with my openthedoor.ca domain since last Wednesday. As I run a business, this is particularly distressing. One of the first steps I took to resolve the situation was contacting my ISP (internet service provider). I was stressed, worried and trying to communicate about something I don't particularly understand. The CSR (customer service rep) helping me was aloof, cold and clipped. He was unable to resolve the situation but was able to determine that the problem was not at their end.

At the end of the call, he asked, "Is there anything else I can do for you today?"

"It would have really made a difference if you had been friendly."

"But ma'am I went through all the steps with you. I ensured your situation was taken care of."

"Yes, you did, and I truly appreciate your help. But this is a stressful and difficult situation, and it would have been so nice if I could feel a smile on the other end of the line."

And amazingly, he softened and laughed and for a brief moment we had a human-to-human connection and the world was a better place, at least my world was. I hope his was too.

I'm not saying that every interaction has to be deeply personal. I live in an incredibly busy and crowded city. Sometimes we need to disconnect just to have some semblance of privacy. And I think sometimes people get zoned out and cold because their jobs weigh them down and they don't want to give away one more drop of energy. But when you connect, you get a chance to receive too. We can exchange our energy instead of just our information. On those occasions when our paths do cross, I hope that we can be human with each other. That's the change I want to be in the world.

Thinking about... feedback & fitting in

Recently I asked people why it's so important to us that people like our artwork. In my own life, I'm noticing how that's also true for me about anything that I've really put my heart into. When I offer a workshop, I'm hoping with all my heart that people are going to love it, that they'll feel inspired and hopeful and glad they took part.

There's something wonderful about this. It inspires me to offer my best work and to learn and grow all the time. It comes from a place of deep commitment to the participants and a sincere desire to make a difference in their lives. It makes me see that creating a workshop or a newsletter or a meal or an event is a creative act, and it can be one that you pour your soul into during its creation.

And what happens if despite all that, people don't like it?

Here's what I've learned about how I process that particular situation:

1. Let yourself feel what you feel. If I'm hurt, disappointed, angry, defiant or whatever else, I get to experience that like a storm until it settles. I don't have to pretend it's not there, judge it, rise above it. I just get to feel what I feel.


2. Look for learning. Once the storm starts to quiet, I see if there's anything I'd like to respond to. I'm not adjusting the work to this particular person. If I move away from the core of my vision to accommodate someone else, it will start to feel wobbly and I will start to feel more insecure. I'm moving in the wrong direction. But if I use the information to see if I can bring my creation closer to what I dream of for it, then I can use that and improve the work. The difference is palpable.


3. Let go of what's not useful. If someone just didn't like what I've created or offered or shared, but it's something that I believe in or love or is true to me, I remind myself that not everyone is going to love what I do, and that's fine. What I've learned from the information is that my gift is not for this person. I can let the rest go.


4. Trust. I remind myself that my people are out there, people who will appreciate my unique gifts and offerings. One of the truly important things about blogging is it allows us to extend our reach in finding our people, so that when we share what is uniquely and authentically our gift, we have more of an around-the-world opportunity for someone to read it and get it.

Molly Gordon talks about how in business we have a niche and we have an offer. I think this is true in life too. Our offer is what we sincerely, authentically bring to this world. It's who we are and what we share. And our niche is that place, that ecosystem according to Molly, in which that offer is easily and recognizably of value. There's nothing to be taken personally about being a rainforest plant who doesn't fit into the desert. Just keep looking for home and reaching out to your people.

How do you manage it when someone doesn't like what you do?

Thinking about... Natural Time

The second principle of Nia is Natural Time. It's about moving and living in a way that is connected to the natural rhythms of your body and the earth. The opposite of Natural Time is what the founders of Nia call Mechanical Time. It's the structure we put around time - the days of the week, the hours of the day. When we get too caught up in Mechanical Time, we can get out of synch with ourselves and our bodies. We wake up because our alarm says so. We eat because it's 6:00. Our time becomes defined by our commitments and the structures that support them. And in the midst of that order, sometimes we forget to breathe.

Reconnecting to our natural rhythms is a great way to breathe, to open up to the possibility of spontaneity and surprise, to experience the magic of what's going on right now instead of what is supposed to go on right now.

What if 1 day this month you turned off the alarm and took off your watch? What if you ate when you were hungry and slept when you were tired? What if you took off the schedule just for a day and let time unfold before you. What would happen?

Here's one inner dialog that comes up for me

Jamie's Inner Dialogue around Natural Time

- If I didn't watch the time for a day, I'd just want to sleep! I'd notice how tired I actually am. Hello, I have to get things done. I can't just lollygag around for a day!

- Um, little voice, did I say you weren't allowed to do anything?

- Um, no.

- If you feel inspired to do something, you absolutely get to go for it.

- What if I'm too tired?

- Then you're too tired and it's time to admit you need some rest. And hey, you can take more than 1 day in Natural Time.

- I can?

- Yep, in fact, you could design your life around it.

- Gulp.

What does your inner voice say? What if you spent a day in natural time? A week? Are you willing to try it?

Thinking about... Pride

This has been an amazing week.

• Circe's Circle has launched. With such beautiful, creative women in the group, how can it be anything but magical?
• My second beta for Picture This! is booked and full.
• 3 new students attended Nia class this week.

YAY! I feel really excited about the energy that's being generated and about what's possible from here. And I feel proud of myself for stepping out into the world and sharing what I have to offer.

And as I walk around beaming and feeling great, my thoughts touch on the concept of pride - not just in yourself (which I think is a beautiful and powerful thing) but also in others. When I was doing my coaching training, we were encouraged to stay away from saying things like "I am so proud of you" to clients because it suggests a power differential. This is a guideline I have flouted regularly! And here's why:

• How many times has someone told you they were proud of you?
• How many times have you ached to hear those words?

As a rule we do not tell people often enough that we are proud of them. People often justify this by saying, 'I didn't want so-and-so to get a swelled head." How many people do you actually know with a swelled head? Most people are struggling to find confidence, to believe in themselves. Sharing that you thought what they did or who they are is amazing (and meaning it) really makes a difference.

To me, being proud of someone for accomplishing something is just the flipside of believing in them before they do!

• Who are you proud of? Will you go tell them?
• What do you wish someone would be proud of you for? (and know that whatever it is - I am proud of you!)

Thinking about...

"Improvised and expressive art forms include theatre and dance improvisation, clown theatre and certain types of visual art that encourage spontaneous expression in favour of preplanning. the concept of beauty in these art forms relates to a sensitivy and honesty of expression and should not be confused with the beauty of traditionally perfected art forms such as classical music and ballet." Kathleen Rea, The Concept of Wild Beauty in Improvised and Expressive Art Forms

Do you know, when I first read that paragraph, I cried? There was something so important to me about this definition of beauty, this "wild beauty" as Kathleen calls it. I recognized it. I am passionately in love with it. In the theatre, I've experienced it as that moment in rehearsal when suddenly everything goes quiet and still, and everyone knows that something magical has occurred. It's indisputable. It's immediately recognizable. Your hair stands on end. Goosebumps arrive. Or for me, tears. It isn't a moment of classical aesthetic perfection. It's a moment of truth. This 'wild beauty' is a sacred moment of aliveness.