The Tale of the Thanksgiving Miracle of 2009

Recently I mentioned that my son, 20, now has a girlfriend. (His name is not actually "20" as it appears in this awkward sentence. It is Jordan. He is 20 years old.) I am very happy about this situation because she is a great girl. I keep trying to make a good impression on her, and yet, I fail.

But this is the tale of the Thanksgiving Miracle, so I'll move on from that unpleasant topic.

Interestingly, since the girlfriend, I've noticed that Jordan is more in touch with his nurturing side.

For instance, he and his girlfriend bought a fish together, a male Beta named "Barry," short for "Barracuda."

I asked him, "So, does this situation make this fish my 'grandfish'?"

Yes, apparently, it does.

I would have preferred to have a LEGITIMATE grandfish, but I have vowed to love this fish unconditionally.

So when he came home for Thanksgiving break Wednesday night, Jordan came in the door with laundry, Barry and a live plant in tow.

I'm having visions of diaper bags and car seats because everyone knows once you have a fish AND a plant, you're just a step or two away from a dog. And then everyone knows what happens after that: diaper bags, strollers and car seats. Oh wait a minute, that's just MY dog. Most people have a baby after the dog and then get the car seats, etc.

Anyway, Jordan brought Barry in a small container and proceeded to put him back into his regular bowl furnished stylishly by the girlfriend with snazzy black pearl foliage and sparkle rocks. Did I mention I like this girl?

As he did this, he told me all about how talented and brilliant Barry is. It seems that Barry has been following Girlfriend's finger up and down. He has also been anticipating his feeding. And he blows bubbles.

Not that I'm bragging, but have you seen my grandfish??

So Barry gets all situated in his bowl, and we put him in the family room. Jordan is on the computer, and I'm watching TV. Occasionally I glance at Barry and note how talented he is.

However, at one point, Barry looked ... sleepy.

I said, "Jordan, does the fish sleep a lot?"

He said, "Yes. He always does that."

I said, "OK. But does he kind of float like that when he sleeps?"

So Jordan goes to Barry and says, "Uh oh." He pokes him with his finger. Barry does not respond.

You can imagine what was going through my head: "The Girlfriend is never going to trust me or my household again!" In an instant, I considered the old sit-com switcheroo where you run out and buy a look-alike replacement and hope the owner is none the wiser.

People on Facebook offered helpful ideas such as: "Maybe he died of SFS, 'Shaken Fish Syndrome' from the car ride."

Jordan tried several times to revive Barry, mainly by poking him, but alack and alas, Barry appeared to have already crossed The Rainbow Bridge.

So my son, being the man of honor that he is, said, "Guess I'd better go make the bad news phone call."

I yelled after him, "Tell her it wasn't my fault! Tell her I didn't cause it!"

So he broke the news and walked away with the fish bowl.

The next day was Thanksgiving. Later in the day, I said, "So did you flush Barry?" Because I'm all sensitive and everything like that.

And he said, no, I put him in my room.

???

I'm not sure why he did this, unless he just needed "time" before the flushing ceremony. But he's 20, not 2.

Anyway, Jordan went to his room and returned with unbelievable good and joyous tidings: "Barry is alive!"

"What?" I say in disbelief. "But I saw you poke him and how he floated! He was, as Ebenezer Scrooge said about Bob Marley (wait, that was Jacob Marley) 'deader than a doornail!'"

Jordan said, "I know, but I just saw his fins moving. It's like he's hibernating or something."

And do you know that as the days have passed, that fish has rebounded. Not 100%, but he's returning to us.

Apparently, he still has work left to do here on Earth. And I get another chance to win over the Girlfriend.

And that is the story of the Thanksgiving Miracle of 2009.

How was your Thanksgiving?