This week's Wishcasting prompt inspired me to want to take a public stand about what I want to claim about myself, those parts of me that for a variety of reasons I have rejected in some capacity. This was really inspired (once again) by Rachel Remen's book Kitchen Table Wisdom, particularly, "Our listening creates sanctuary for the homeless parts within the other person. That which has been denied, unloved, devalued by themselves and by others. That which is hidden."
Here are 3 things about me that I do truly love and believe are strengths but have for a variety of reasons felt it was not okay to claim.
1. I love beauty.
This has been a challenge because a love of beauty can be seen as narcissism, shallowness and materialism. In fact, I recently worked with a coach who responded to my longing for beauty with the suggestion that perhaps I was being materialistic. Surprisingly, this became a huge part of my claiming process. A part of me was crushed, another part was offended, a part of me searched inside to see if it was true and then a part of me rose up, pushed back with vigour and put my stake in the ground. The realization I came to is that I love beauty whether it's a peony from my garden or a $7,000 chandelier. I love and appreciate beauty. The price tag is irrelevant.
I also read a great book called The Portable Coach by Thomas Leonard. In it he encourages us to get our needs met, and he identifies that things like beauty can be a need. I was incredulous. I might actually need beauty? Was that okay? Being given permission to need beauty still brings tears to my eyes. I realized how deeply my soul longs for beauty all the time. I use the word about a thousand times a day. So I finally decided to just get over it and accept it.
I love beauty. I need beauty in my life. I am going to bring my beauty into my life.
2. I love home.
As a self-professed lively downtown girl, a feminist and a former club girl, um, it hasn't felt particularly cool or hip or empowered to love home. Also, I'm generally so busy that I don't spend a great deal of time on my home. And we've been on quite a journey with our house, doubting our choice, not knowing how long we'll be here, and so I've felt unsure about how much to invest in this particular space. But the truth is all of that makes me feel disheartened. I love home.
I remember watching an episode of one of Colin & Justin's shows (I heart design shows) and Colin commented that an uncared for house is unloved and that has stuck with me. I want to live in a loved space. Because I have a busy life and a very busy brain, I especially want to come home to a sanctuary that I feel embraced in, that feels like us and that feels like home. And truthfully, I find some home stuff rather soothing to do. Doing the dishes is a short-term goal that makes me feel like I've accomplished something and I can see the impact immediately. I love having home-cooked meels and lunches for the next day. I love slipping into fresh sheets when I go to bed.
So, I admit it, own it, embrace it. I love home. I am going to invest more of my time, attention, money and love into creating home.
3. I love being a leader.
Anyone else's gremlin sound like this, "Who the hell do you think you are?" (That voice and leadership is also very tied to my identity as a creative performer, but I'll stick with these 3 for today) In fact, that voice is so strong that I spent a lot of my youth being that very nice girl in your class, you know, quiet, polite, unobtrustive. What it took me a while to understand is that you can be nice, polite and step up!
Stepping up and leading something is just in my DNA. At home I created games, performances, businesses when I was a kid. When I was older, I became involved in leadership activities at school. When I'm involved in something I generally have a strong response and get personally invested in what's at stake. If I don't, I generally don't see the need to participate.
Don't get me wrong. I don't always need to be the leader. (Ah, is that my gremlin worrying that you won't like me if I do?) But a lot of the accomplishments that I feel most proud of are moments of leadership. And the times I think of being most at home in what I'm doing, like directing, are leadership experiences. I like to to bring people together, to plan something, to organize it and hold it together, to inspire and encourage others, to contribute, to have a vision, to create something, to make something happen. I love it.
I love being a leader. And in 2008 I am going to invite more leadership opportunities into my life. You heard it here first!
What previously unaccepted parts of yourself do you wish to claim? You can share your wish here and also at Wishcasting.
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